Husbands, Love Your Wives

Man and Woman He Created Them

As men, we get three loves for ‘free’: of family (parents, siblings, cousins, et al.), of (our own) children, and of women. Even other natural loves, such as that of nation, must be taught and cultivated, but not the aforementioned three — these are ours by birthright. The first two, although they can be and sometimes should be distinguished, both fall under storge, but the third is something else and different in kind from all other sorts or types of love. A man starts life (or puberty, at least) with a certain sort of affinity for women; one of the tasks of leaving boyhood and entering manhood is controlling and channelling that general affinity into something more specific: into the love of one woman.

A man who does not or cannot^[1] love a woman is, in fact, no man at all — he is still merely a boy, or something worse, as he has not merely not yet matured, but, rather, failed to do so. A boy may be excused youthful naïveté or exuberance, but a grown man who despises women or sees them merely as means is a menace, to be dealt with via the sword. Anyone promoting the hatred or debasement of women is an enemy of all mankind — a hostis humani generis.

Woman is not man’s equal — she is weaker, more emotional, less rational, more easily deceived —, but to despise her or to look down on her for these things would be to tell God that He was wrong, for He made woman what she is — and He made her that way for man. In all of Creation, there exists only one thing made specifically and especially for man^[2]: woman. God made woman to be nearer and dearer to man than even his own body. Scripture does not idly command that each man should have his own wife. Blessed is the man to whom God grants children in his youth, but God cannot grant such blessings without also blessing such a man with a faithful wife, and cursed is the man who abandons or despises the wife of his youth.

It is the strait and narrow that leads to Paradise — a man must deviate from the path neither to the left nor to the right. To be dominated or led by one’s wife is to fall off the left side of the horse; to recognize the nature of woman, but to despise her for it instead of cherishing God’s gift, is no better, because that is to fall off the right side of the horse. Man’s task is to stay seated squarely atop the horse, to fall to neither side, and to continue making forward progress. You must love your wife, but, to do this rightly, you must recognize her nature — she is a woman and not a man, and she must always be led and never be permitted to lead. A loving father does not permit his children to play with a venomous snake; a loving husband does not permit his wife to usurp the role of head.

It is not hatred to recognize the nature of woman; it is not love to ignore her nature. The husband is always the head and the wife must never be permitted to usurp, but the head must love the body and hold her dear. She is the weaker vessel, but she is your weaker vessel. Love her, as Christ loves the Church.