Bone of Our Bone and Flesh of Our Flesh
I wish to mount a defense of women, or, perhaps, of woman. I know that many today view women with distrust or even a sort of animus, and, certainly, I understand the sentiment, even as I also believe that it is at least as misguided as it is misplaced. I am not one for particularly long written pieces, and so, perhaps, another will one day need to write something more substantial, but I can surely manage an essay, and there are only a handful of subjects more worthy. I could start this essay any of a thousand places related to woman — her beauty, her levity, her concern for the seemingly trivial —, but, instead, I will begin with man — her head and master.
Man is more romantic than woman; man becomes more deeply emotionally involved or invested than woman; man is fundamentally more serious than woman. Some hear this as a condemnation of woman, but such it is surely not, at least, to my mind. God created woman as a helper fit for him, not as a competitor, an equal, or a master. Why would we expect her to match us on those attributes and metrics that more naturally befit the head? A woman is not — can never be — her own head; although this does not (fully) absolve or excuse her when she transgresses, it is just as certainly something that we must ever bear in mind when dealing with her. We do not fault the foot for not being a hand or the hand for not being an eye or the eye for not being an elbow. Why would we fault woman for not being or behaving as a man?
Woman is far more subject than man to social pressures — she feels them more acutely, resists them far less easily, and yields to them far more readily. This is because her sphere is the home, not the public square. When things are running as they should, woman’s submission to peer pressure acts as a sort of ratcheting system with each generation being influenced by the previous two or so, and then, in turn, entrenching and reinforcing that influence within the current generation. This is a very good system — so long as woman remains within her sphere; this system is (rather obviously) disastrous when woman becomes involved in matters outside her sphere, or when a given generation fails to transmit forward the very lessons received from prior generations. Man operates both as an individual and as a collective; woman only ever operates in the second mode. When we took woman from the home and placed her into the public sphere, we inflicted a great and grievous harm upon her. Woman does not have the defenses that men do, and she, again unlike man, cannot grow thicker skin — she can only grow colder, estranged, and more desperate. And we certainly did this to her, for we — at least — permitted it, and such decisions are ours by right — not hers. Woman makes a terrible public servant, but an excellent private one; she is meant to serve her husband, her home, and her children, not her ‘boss’.
So many of the things that we love about woman (in our private lives) turn into complete chaos and dysfunction (in public affairs), and then some would seek to blame woman for acting according to her nature, instead of looking for the man who made his dog drive his car. In the home, it is vitally important to keep the peace (for the home would otherwise cease to be a refuge), but the public square has far different values and considerations. In matters of justice, we must seek the truth, no matter the cost and no matter who may object; in the home, peace and tranquility may trump considerations of who is (technically) right. In matters of politics, we must seek to win; in the home, ‘winning’ may come at too great a cost. In matters of foreign affairs, we must seek power and leverage; in the home, we must not treat one another as adversaries. Virtually all of woman’s instincts — that are of immense value in the private sphere — are immensely harmful in the public sphere. To participate in the public sphere, a woman must suppress who and what she is, and she will still ‘succeed’ — at the absolute ‘best’ — only in becoming an inferior man. We should expect no other outcome, and we are at fault for not telling her no.
Public matters are generally serious, and require a fundamentally serious approach; private matters are often fundamentally unserious, and require a lightness of touch and a levity that does not always come naturally to man — but it does to woman, for she is fundamentally unserious. As men, we need woman’s levity in our lives; a too-serious life lived without respite will more often than not turn into a life that is also very much too short. Man’s seriousness comes at a cost, and woman is there to lighten the load and act as a relief vale — this is a helper, fit for man. If she were equally serious, then she would succeed only in helping us to a (shared) early grave. There are enough men in the world to be serious; do not call on woman to suppress her nature in some vain attempt to be what she is not and should not be.
Some will object to the assertion that man is more romantic and more deeply emotionally involved than woman, but this is simply a natural outgrowth of man’s headship and his (far) greater seriousness. Now, woman is certainly more emotional than man — for she often emotes when and where man prefers to reason —, but that is a thing far different from romanticism and depth of emotional involvement. A woman may very well become emotionally attached to a cartoon character or a random small animal, but very seldom will she lose all will to live when her spouse dies (something not entirely uncommon among men). We should, of course, expect this: Woman, who is never her own head, is always a reflection of her head. The intensity — the romantic intensity — that you pour into your wife will generally be reciprocated, for she is a mirror. Woman desires (and, in fact, needs) an ongoing romantic and emotional relationship with her husband, but she is the passive partner: she will follow, but you must lead. Were man and woman both drivers of this, then there would be more competition than complement. A woman will rise to the level you set — she is the vessel and you are the fountain.
Man is the pinnacle of Creation; he was created last and as the highest of all creatures. And yet, man, although complete in himself as an image of God, was, nonetheless, not as complete as he could be in terms of his relationships and his position. Man was chief of Creation, steward of all created things, and God’s very representative — His icon — on Earth and in Creation, and yet such dominion was still lacking. It is one thing to have dominion over all the lesser creatures; it is another, indeed, to have woman at one’s side as helper. All of Creation was made for and is to the glory of God and for the dominion of man, but woman is different: She was made specifically, especially, and exclusively for man. She is not the pinnacle of Creation, for that position was already filled, but she is just below the pinnacle and enhances and complements him as nothing else could. The God Who spoke everything into existence (save man, whom He formed with His own hands) took the time and care to form woman from man instead of simply speaking her into existence or forming her from the dust of the ground. Certainly, she is still dust, for she was formed from the man of dust, but she is more than that: She is our dust; she is bone of our bone and flesh of our flesh. Man walked with God in the Garden and spoke with Him face to face, and yet woman holds a position of such intimacy and importance that, prior to her creation, God could say of man that it was not good for him to be alone. All else in Creation He called good, but the state of man without woman He called not good. Such is the virtue and importance of woman that God called the man who had dominion over Creation, named every creature, and spoke with God Himself face to face, ‘alone’ before He created woman. We should not chide her for what she is not; rather, we should celebrate her for what she is, and ensure that her talents, her energy, and her time are channelled effectively and spent productively. She is our helper, but she is still headless when left to her own devices.
A woman — a good woman — sacrifices greatly for her husband and her family. This is, of course, her duty, but we should thank her no less for that; the same as we thank men who faithfully execute their duties in so many places. A military cannot operate without soldiers; a business cannot operate without employees; a proper household does not operate without a wife, and this is all the more true as she is the very means (or ‘field’, in the language of Scripture) by which the household is created. No matter how powerful, capable, or influential a man may be, he cannot create a personal legacy without a woman — without a wife. And do not think of the nature of sexual intercourse as incidental or accidental or of no consequence. God enshrined the nature of the relationship between man and woman in and at the very core of marriage — more, as the nature of marriage. In the bedroom, woman is taken by man and gives herself to man in a manner that could be characterized as complete submission. This is good and proper for every time a man and his wife make natural use of marriage, they are both reminded not of the nature of the marriage alone, but also of the hierarchy — he the head and master and she in submission. All that exists exists in hierarchy; and it is good for both men and women to know where they belong in this hierarchy.
The future of every race lies in the wombs of the women of that race. There is no future for any race that hates its own women; any race that hates its own women deserves to have no future, deserves to go extinct. To hate the women of one’s own race is not only the pinnacle of foolishness and the nadir of self-destruction, but it is also to spit in the face of the Lord God, Who knelt down in the dust of His Creation and took the time to form woman both from and for man. If you do not see and receive your wife with the same joy of Adam receiving Eve, then you do not deserve to have her.
Yes, woman is, the same as man is, fallen. Yes, she will test your patience, she will focus on the trivial, she will worry about things that are nothing, and she will often rebel instead of submit. And yet it remains your duty and your privilege to love her as Christ loves the Church. You are her head and her master and she has — for all eternity — been entrusted to your care. God will inquire of her whether or not she completely and properly submitted to you, but He will also inquire of you as to whether or not you loved her as your own body and soul.
How great is the foolishness of those who denigrate, tear down, or, may God forbid, hate their own wives. She is bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh. And no man hates his own flesh. We do not hate or look down on children because they behave like children; similarly, we must not look down on women because they behave like women — to do that would (to rather severely understate things) be counterproductive. Women should be chastised if and when they behave like inferior men, but they must never be chastised for behaving like women. Do not envy or despise her because God has created her different from you and for things different from those for which you were created, for she was also created for you. Every last woman of our race is a precious daughter and sister, and we must endeavor to see them all in their proper place as wives and mothers.
If the neighbor’s dog decides to conduct his business in your flower garden, you may — rightly — be somewhat annoyed with the dog (and you may spray him with the hose or otherwise drive him off), but you are surely not fool enough to neglect addressing your actual complaint to your neighbor himself. I trust I have been clear enough to obviate any need to (further) explain that one. Modern woman is at least as much a victim of the modern world as is modern man, and it is useless to blame her for a state of affairs over which she has minimal (if any) actual, meaningful control. At risk of ad nauseam: Woman is headless. Whatever she does or fails to do is ultimately attributable to her head, whether due to his success or his failure (and absence is a terrible sort of failure). Spray the dog with the hose to drive him from the place where he does not belong, but then go and find his owner.
In Proverbs, God speaks of the man who finds a good wife as having found χαρις — ‘grace’ or ‘favor’. Yes, that is the same χαρις used in verses such as Romans 3:24: ‘We are justified by His grace (χαρις) as a gift.’ A good topic for Christian meditation. And the very next verse in Proverbs speaks of the man who rejects a good wife as having rejected τα αγαθα — the good. That ‘good’ could, perhaps, even be capitalized, for το Αγαθον is, indeed, the Greek for the Good — the Transcendental.
Let us, then, make it our goal to create a society in which women are encouraged to become wives and mothers, and never chided for being women, but rather cherished and praised for knowing and staying in their proper place. And may we as men remember to treat every woman of our race as a beloved sister, for she is a necessary link in the chain, and without her and millions of others like her, there will be no future for our people. Wife and mother is woman’s highest calling and her greatest joy. In a very real sense, everything in a proper society is and must be ordered around ensuring that women become wives and mothers. It profits a man nothing if he gains the world but loses his soul in the process; it profits a people nothing to gain the stars but have no progeny to whom to bequeath them. Our women may be unserious and they may try our patience from time to time and they may make significant demands upon our time and our energy, but they are our women and they are worth the investment — and there will be no future worth obtaining without them at our side. God made woman to be our helper, and He certainly knew what He was doing. We are not wiser than He, and we, the clay, should not question what He, the Potter, has done. She is bone of our bone and flesh of our flesh; our state without her was alone and not good, and she is part of God’s very good Creation — more, she is the one thing in all Creation made specifically and exclusively for man. I trust that we are not such fools as to reject such a gift from God because she makes a rather mediocre man. My chickens make rather poor dogs, but that is not why God made them and not why I own them. There are enough men in the world; let women be women and behave as women, for that is what God made them to be and to do, and they are a lot better at doing that than they are at trying to be men.
